Zoi A. Lioliou
September 16, 2019
Athens, July 10, 2019
During my second coaching session with my coachee, Gregory, a dynamic and determined employee in the financial industry, I came across an exhortation to employees everywhere. He had recently read it in a monthly industry magazine: Don't let them "step on you" at work. The more kindness you show, the more they exploit you...
After reading the passage in a steady and clear voice, he closed the magazine and slammed it down on the desk. Looking me in the eye, he said:
This is the bitter truth: «"They trample on the good ones.". Don't you agree, coach? They step on the good guys and the automatic conclusion is that the ones who step on them, who are imposed, the ones who ultimately excel, are the bad guys. And so, all employees are divided into two groups:
Group A: the good guys who are trampled by the bad guys and
Group B: the bad guys who trample on the good guys.
Look how easily an unsuspecting employee can be influenced, I said to myself. As time passed, this phrase kept coming back to my mind and at the same time I remembered the theories of perception.1. Specifically, the perceptions that influence the behaviors of all employees, both superiors and subordinates. Grigoris was clearly influenced by the stereotype he had created in his mind. More specifically, he argued that the good guys are the victims and the others, the bad guys, step on them.
I have met many employees who, during their professional lives, have unknowingly fallen into the trap of stereotypes that influence their behavior. Also, there are many whose behavior is the result of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. In this case, the «good-victims» (e.g. Employee-subordinate) expect that the «bad-bullies» (e.g. Executive-boss) will exploit them, while in turn the bad ones believe that the good ones are slow at their work, bored and looking for opportunities to steal time. Such expectations can make subordinates act in the way expected of their superiors, confirming the «prophecy», or make them react aggressively, leaving no room for exploitation.
Also, many people operate on the basis of projecting themselves onto others. It is known that people use projection as a defense mechanism. Thus, the "bad guys" distrust the "good guys" because they believe that the latter do not trust them, while in reality it may be a phobia that pushes them to impose their desires on subordinates and exploit them.
On the other hand, many people evaluate an employee based on a single characteristic or key skill that the employee himself wants to display (Halo Effect). If this is true, then who is the «good» and who is the «bad»?;
All of the above attitudes, which are influenced by the already formed perceptions and beliefs of employees, are one side of the coin. The other side refers to the behavior and management of relationships between superiors and subordinates, which is influenced by perceptions. In order for a productive collaborative relationship to flourish and flourish, self-awareness and a willingness to mutually understand the needs of both groups are essential.
Specifically, it is important for each team to understand the other's working style. Subordinates, in particular, are called upon to adapt their working style to the information-providing, decision-making, or performance-management process desired by their superiors. Superiors, in turn, must learn to manage, approaching subordinates with a people-centered style that empowers and not with a spying style that is only oriented toward control.
Also, for the development of an effective relationship, it is necessary for each team to communicate constructively with the other and to understand its requirements. Many subordinates mistakenly believe that they know what their superior expects of them. At the same time, superiors also mistakenly believe that the only motivation for a subordinate is financial. Thus, overlooking other, equally important, motivations such as a good climate of cooperation, development opportunities, rewards, training, learning a new subject, etc.
It was obvious that Grigoris, both as a subordinate and as a supervisor, had fallen victim to his own perception. He had entered a vicious circle of thoughts, which on the one hand functioned as a "safety zone", and on the other prevented him from achieving his goals.
As a coach, I was supposed to facilitate the rational thought process, questioning 2 the irrational way of thinking he had adopted.
How helpful is your way of thinking for improving collaboration?;
What have you achieved so far, when you think like this?;
What will be the consequences if you continue to think this way?;
Where will this way of thinking take you?;
Gregory was willing to answer the "provocative" questions. He thought rationally, both as a superior and as a subordinate.
In the end, he said goodbye to me with a smile, saying:
Ultimately, coach, there are no good subordinates and bad bosses. It's all in our minds. A perception or a belief that largely determines our behavior. It's important to maintain a rational way of thinking and not let irrational perceptions direct my behavior!
1 Distorted perception can lead to wrong decisions regarding: the selection of a candidate for the job, the evaluation of the employee's performance, the implementation of tasks to achieve goals, etc. Here are some of the reasons that affect the perception of employees, such as stereotyping, the halo effect, projection and self-fulfilling prophecy. Source: Gordon, RJ (2002). Organizational Behavior. A Diagnostic Approach. page: 49-52. USA: Prentice Hall.
2 Katsikis, D. (2016). Rationalemotive Behavioral Therapy. The distinctive characteristics of the first and fundamental Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. pp.: 63. Athens: Armos.
Zoi A. Lioliou
Business Coach, Facilitator, Skills Development Consultant, Author
Email: info@coachinginaction.gr
Mobile: +306944948466
